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The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, Week 1: Children’s Book
Original Air Date: 9/21/05
By Heidi Putallaz
You know the type of person whose head you just want to pop off–enter Martha Stewart, the woman, every real woman loves to hate–so prim, proper and perfect–arrgh! Martha Stewart starts her spin off Apprentice show in her kitchen telling us how she started her empire. Who cares, Martha? Just get to the backstabbing, will ya?!
After a seemingly endless rundown of her career–minus the jail time, of course–Martha meets the 16 contestants in the boardroom–oops, I mean the “conference” room–because you know, this show is different than Donald’s. When the contestants then line up, so nice and neat, to take turns shaking Martha’s hand, I can’t help being reminded of a dog pound on adoption day. How cute–each one hopes Martha will fall for her puppy dog eyes and pick her (and I do mean her…because let’s face it, the token men have no chance).
Next Martha introduces the contestants to her two “lieutenants.” First up: Martha’s daughter, Alexis Stewart. Can you imagine that childhood? Mommy Dearest is not a good thing. And then there is George Ross—whoops, I mean Charles Koppelman—it’s so hard to tell. Georgie cloney, the CEO at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, not the movie star (sigh), lets out that his daughter used to be good friends with candidate Bethenny Frankel but states for the official reality show record that that won’t give her any special advantage. If it really doesn’t give her a leg up, why doesn’t Charles just tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth—that Bethenny used to do some lollipop loving with his son?
Don’t worry, that juicy tidbit comes out in the next scene when the contestants, back in their suite—oops, I mean “loft,” because this show is different than Donald’s—toast Martha and share some dainty cheese and crackers. Eeesh, at least on Trump’s show, they know how to throw one back and chow down. While the contestants wonder aloud whether or not they should align themselves with Bethenny, all I can do is wonder why Charles’s son dumped her. Or maybe Bethenny is actually just stupid enough to dump a guy whose father is head honcho at the multi-billion dollar enterprise where she wants to work. Yes, yes, I know the relationship ended a decade ago, but the coming weeks will let us know just how short of a time that really is. Let’s just hope she didn’t write a “Dear John” letter or she might be receiving a “Cordially, Martha” letter real soon.
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A first for The Apprentice franchise, the contestants get to decide who is on each team. In their infinite wisdom, they break into two teams based on “creative” thinkers and “corporate” players. Geez, didn’t anybody learn anything from watching Donald Trump’s show? You need to diversify first and then dump the one who isn’t performing.
The show really kicks into gear when Martha meets the candidates in the Random House building lobby where she informs them that their very first task is to modernize a classic children’s fairy tale and read their illustrated take to a focus group of first graders. What the little tykes think will determine the winner. Good lord, to beat out a million applicants only to be sent home by a five year old!
Dawna Stone leads the corporate “Primarius” team which decides to adapt Jack and the Beanstalk. Dawna splits the team in two and assigns tasks. Hmm, I hear Donald knocking. Meanwhile the creative team, aka “Matchstick” turns into a one-man show starring none other than Jeff Rudell, a 42-year-old graphic designer, who insists on redoing Hansel and Gretel. Dawn Silvia is selected to the write the story for Matchstick but the pressure is clearly getting to her.
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Can you imagine that childhood? Mommy Dearest is not a good thing.
