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The Apprentice, Week 17: The Live Finale at NYU Skirball Performing Arts Center
Original Air Date: 5/19/05
By Sarika Chawla
Dear Mr. Trump and Mr. Burnett,
Your finale sucked big time.
Sincerely,
Sarika Chawla
P.S. Go Kendra.
So am I the only person who recalls the previous episode ending with Kendra Todd and Tana Goertz’s teams trooping into the boardroom to dish with Donald Trump? Apparently Trump forgot, because we completely skip over that part! Instead, we get a twenty minute recap of the season, which really negates my entire purpose here. I could have just sat on my butt for the past four months and let the darned show summarize itself in twenty minutes.
I will certainly not lower myself so far as to recap a recap, except to say that I can’t get enough of watching the first appearance of Chris Shelton’s Mr. Squeaky in the boardroom, what with all the scary-man finger pointing. The rest? Blah blah, Kendra and Tana are super keen awesome, except for the time that Tana made fun of her teammates. I’m getting up for a snack now.
Okay then. And now we’re at…NYU. Not exactly Lincoln Center, but it’s, um, in a college. And, you know, Kendra went to one. Perhaps that’s a clue that maybe, just maybe, Kendra’s going to win. Donald Trump starts right in on Tana: “You lost control of your team; you laughed at your team; you called them the Three Stooges. Why?” I could certainly tell him why, but I’ll let Tana answer for herself: “That was a mistake on my part. I could have never finished my task without the help of those three. These three pulled through for me and they were amazing.” Oh, Tana, you big sellout.
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Oh my freaking God, what on earth happened to Kristen Kirchner’s face? She looks like she made a trip to the Collagen ‘n’ Botox one-stop shop. Someone ought to tell her that possessing one half of an upper lip does not a supermodel make.
Trump continues to harass Tana, and I can’t help worrying about her children watching at home. I mean, I know she’s put herself in this position, what with the snorty laugh, the frazzled hair, and the overall obnoxious attitude…but he’s just plain harsh. He questions her behavior at the end of the last
task— keeping herself far, far away from her teammates as executives must do. She claims that her sense of humor didn’t shine through in that particular moment. Which—whatever. Still, Trump doesn’t let up: “They didn’t like you very much, you know that.” Yes, we got that. “So you’re basically saying you made a mistake.” Yes, she already said that. “Frankly, you have an uphill battle.” At this point, I think she should just flip ‘em all the bird, hand over the victory and walk off, thereby sucking out any ounce of drama left in Kendra’s triumph.
Since we need to at least pretend to pick on Kendra, Trump brings up the fact that she cried in the boardroom. Is it a sign of weakness? Clearly, Kendra has been expecting this question and says, with total conviction, “Absolutely not, Mr. Trump. I’ve seen three-hundred-pound linebackers cry as they raise the Super Bowl trophy.” The look of determination on her face is priceless. Her eyes get all big, her lips kind of pucker out, and she may be attempting to square her jaw or something. The audience goes wild. She probably should have quit while she was ahead, because she then goes on with some convoluted metaphor, “I’ve learned very quickly in business that one person is quickly trampled by the right team.” I think in this case, “trampled” is supposed to be a positive thing, but I’ll have to get back to you on that one.
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Frankly, you have an uphill battle.
