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The Apprentice, Week 16:
NYC 2012 Athlete Challenge and Best Buy Video Game World Championship
Original Air Date: 5/12/05
By Sarika Chawla
In what must be deemed the most screwed-up imagery of the season, a very close-up full moon slides behind a building and comes out the other side a far-away quarter moon.
Since we’re now in Part 2 of an incredibly over-extended three-part finale, here’s a mini-recap: Tana Goertz and Kendra Todd are the finalists, proving once and for all that this season’s candidates did not have to undergo the same rigorous screening process as previous ones. I would love, love, love to pit Kendra against Mean Jennifer Massey or Amy Henry and see who’s left standing. Man, those three would just hate on each other sooo bad, it would be awesome.
Anyway. Tana’s team now consists of Chris Shelton, Kristen Kirchner, and Brian McDowell, while Kendra is stuck with Danny Kastner, Erin Elmore, and Michael Tarshi. And…alrighty then. Things are not going well for either side. Blah blah. Sorry, I gotta admit that wasn’t much of a recap. Go back and read last week's report if you like.
So Kendra is instructing Michael to make the grungy “smells like feet” basement somewhat hipper, so as to please Amy from PlayStation. Now Amy can just introduce herself as “Hi, I’m Amy from PlayStation” and people will go, “Oh, right, from The Apprentice!” Eventually her fifteen minutes will pass, but you might spot her at a cocktail party with a name tag that says, “Hi. My name is Amy from PlayStation!”
Meanwhile, Tana puts Kristen in charge of making the brochures—which, even if we were talking about real life here and not a TV show that depends upon big screw ups to generate drama, I would still be overcome by a major sense of foreboding. Tana explains that they need mini-bios for “all of my Olympic athletes.” So now they’re her athletes?
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As my brother pointed out, these tasks are grossly unfair—and I have to agree wholeheartedly. Tana’s event is on a way grander scale: she has a bigger venue to set up and bigger people to placate, like Olympic athletes, the 2012 sponsors, and the freaking Governor. Kendra’s task is big but basically boils down to making sure that the right sponsors’ banners are hung up and everything is pretty.
On Tana’s team, Chris is running around and screaming like a ‘tard. He and Brian giggle hysterically when they realize that a banner is hanging in the wrong place and is all floppy. “Close enough,” Brian shrugs. Talking about the other banners, he says, “We’re going to just kind of scatter them around. We’re not going to make them perfect; that way, it doesn’t look like we screwed up.” Kristen is annoyed by their ‘tardness, and so everyone starts squabbling. When mommy, er, Tana, strides in, all three start whining to her. In what I take for just a horrible managerial style, Tana gets all caught up and confused, first shouting to Brian, “Kristen is saying that—” and then switching to, “Kristen, Brian is saying that—” What Tana needs to do is—well, honestly, I’m not sure how to deal with that kind of situation, having never had to deal with anything like it myself. But I’m not trying to be The Apprentice and I do know that whatever Tana is doing is wrong.
The next morning, Tana tries to get her team out of bed. No such luck and—ewww, Brian is all sprawled out mostly naked in his bed, and I can see all sorts of tummy rolls and legs and stuff. Now I get why Tana is fed up, and like I said, I have no idea how one manages such people, but I’m pretty sure it’s not by alternating between militant mom: “Everyone jump up and put on your warm-up suits, folks!” and just plain old mean boss: “This will set me off, and I’ll be really irritated the rest of the day if I don’t have my team with me. Now!”
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Everyone jump up and put on your warm-up suits, folks!
