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The Apprentice, Week 13: Staples and
The Desk Apprentice
Original Air Date: 4/21/05
(PAGE 3 of 5)
Meanwhile, Alex and Bren see their finished product. It’s actually not a bad looking little rolly desk. But it’s…a desk. Alex is in utter lust with it and has plans to make “a million bucks” selling it. Hmmmph. Alexual may be just the word for him after all.
Meanwhile, Tweedledee and Tweedledum are still at it. Kendra is still pushing for putting in file folders, although it’s really about time she let go of it. She tries to explain, “What you find in offices are folders.” Craig, who obviously has issues with generalizing things, responds, “Now, you have to watch how you do your generalities.” As if that’s not irritating enough, he says, “I do want you to know that I’m very much more experienced than you, because I’ve been around a little longer.” Oh my Lord! If every person over thirty became that patronizing, there would a hostile takeover by angry 25 year olds everywhere.
Craig won’t let up, despite Kendra’s excessive brow-wrinkling and mouth-dropping. “If I sound like I’m talking to a child, that’s how I talk to my children when I have to repeat myself.” Okay, I’m sort of with him on that, because it’s already been decided that they’re not going to put in file folders, and it’s really not a make-or-break situation or anything, so Kendra ought to shut it. But Craig’s sheer poopieheadiness about it is riling her up. “Maybe you’re not an effective communicator. It’s you that has always got to be condescending.” Craig responds that she doesn’t even know what that word means. I really wish he were talking about “communicator,” because it would be pretty funny if she kept using that word wrong. Except he meant “condescending.” Now, not to sound condescending myself, but she happens to be using it correctly, so his argument is just plain stupid. She says the conversation’s over, but he says, “No, it’s not. Because I’m still talking. Now I’ve given you respect that you don’t even deserve, young lady.”
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At this point, I have to stop myself from hurling something at the TV. Kendra loses it over the “young lady” comment and scoffs at his claims of respect. “Every time I’ve asked you to do something, you say ‘no.’” Now, even though Craig is completely out of arguments here, he just won’t quit being a douche bag and scolds, “Every time? Listen to your use of verbiage.” Isn’t it ironic when someone makes fun of someone else’s grammar by saying “your use of verbiage?” Then he calls Kendra a liar for hyperbolizing. Bored of the whole awkward situation, Tana bites into her sandwich and goes, “Mmmm.”
Grumpy Magna puts great-big-ole smiles on their faces and goes off to present to the executives and a focus group (a real one, not one from the Yellow Pages). They pull off a geeky faux office scenario in which Tana teaches the hapless Craig all the fine uses of the desk caddy. Craig is real convincing at playing hapless. George Ross finds it hard to tell if he’s even playing. The executives seem pleased with it though and only have questions like, “Can you stop it from spinning?” Craig answers, “The reason we put the Lazy Susan on was that it was easy to acCESS.” Yes, Mr. Verbiage says acCESS.
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I’ve given you respect that you don’t even deserve, young lady.
