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The Apprentice, Week 13: Staples and
The Desk Apprentice
Original Air Date: 4/21/05
(PAGE 2 of 5)
Alex and Bren make a crucial faux pas by arranging a conference call with the executives instead of meeting face-to-face. I mean, if it were a different episode, they may have been commended for trying to save time. But no matter, this week it’s a bad thing, so I’ll point and laugh at them while the executives’ cell phone keeps cutting out.
Trump’s weekly lesson is “Take Control.” So what does he do? He kind of wanders by a construction site and tells the hardhat hanging off a wall to do a perfect job. If I were hanging off a wall for a living and Donald Trump strolled by and shouted commands, I’d probably drop a chisel on his head. Somehow this is supposed to be a demonstration of, “If a leader can’t control his subordinates, he’s not a leader; he’s not a good businessman. He’s going to be a failure; whether it’s a he or a she, it’s going to be bad.” A little convoluted, but whatever.
Those bright-eyed Magnites meet up with the Staples executives and learn that the best thing to do is to improve upon a product that already exists. Kendra and Tana conduct the ubiquitous “focus group,” which means harassing unsuspecting customers who just want to buy their paper clips and be on their way. And scribbling officiously on a yellow legal pad. Fortunately for them, they come across an office manager, who shows them that stackable file holders are the way to go. Meanwhile, Craig wanders around looking at water bottles and figuring out how a desk drawer opens. “I didn’t have the slightest clue what Craig was doing,” Kendra says.
Meanwhile, Bren takes on the job of conducting a focus group but doesn’t actually know how to execute one. With the Yellow Pages in hand, he starts cold calling random offices. Which, you know, is like the worst idea ever. Eventually Alex is begging him just to get two people on the phone, and they’ll call it a “group.”
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Ooh, the Kendra-Craig headbutting is beginning. I’m still not sure where I come out on this one. I’m constantly wanting to shove a slice of pizza into Kendra’s mouth just so it won’t hang open anymore or ever utter the word “communicate” again. On the flipside, Craig has such a limited command of the English language despite constantly trying to sound intellectual. It’s really frustrating to listen to him. While doing whatever possible to shoot down Kendra’s idea, he says, “I’m just trying to see the dimensions of usage.” Dude, just say, “I don’t get it.” To us, he says, “Kendra was bent on the stackable thing, but she could not conceptualize it.” Just say, “She couldn’t explain it.” Ultimately they go with the idea of a little desk caddy made of…yes, stackables. The oh-so-clever twist being that the holders are vertical, not horizontal. Kendra grumbles about Craig hijacking her idea, but she secretly hopes that Trump watches the tapes so he’ll think she’s as awesome as she thinks she is.
At the Net Worth drawing table, Bren, aka Captain Obvious, announces, “It needs to be as simple as possible, but also creative as possible.” Alex comes up with a, um, desk. A desk to clean up the clutter on your desk. And don’t think Alex doesn’t realize this. He actually laughs about it with the designers. A desk for the stuff on your desk.
Good God, we’re never getting out of Staples. How much did they pay? Their onscreen time just keeps going and going. Team Magna heads back there to pick up things to put inside their stackable caddy. Kendra argues that they should put folders in the, well, folder holders. But folders are horizontal and the holder is vertical. See, get it? Craig explains that the caddy is for filing loose papers, not folders. I really don’t get though why you can’t just turn the horizontal folder on its side to make it, um, vertical, and shove it in there. The only drawback is that you won’t see the little tabby thing. Kendra says she’s afraid of “misrepresenting the product.” So what does Craig tell her? He sighs and says, “We’re going to run this by you slowly.” Ooohhh! Kendra is pissed. “That’s condescending,” she complains.
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We’re going to run this by you slowly.
