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The Apprentice, Week 9: Home Depot, The Box, and Zero G
Original Air Date: 3/17/05
By Sarika Chawla
Whew, we’re back.
I’m kinda getting tired of every episode opening with the teams discussing what’s going on in the boardroom. I mean, jeez, they’ll find out soon enough. Actually, I bet after eight weeks of this, they’re sick of it too, but the producers make them do it. In any case, this time around they’re correct in assuming that doodiehead John Gafford is out.
Erin Elmore struts in with her boobs abouncing. She explains to us, “I do well in there, because I don’t lose my cool, and I know how to speak like a rational human being.” Hmmm, who could she be referring to? Mother Angie McKnight hugs the anger managementally challenged Chris Shelton. As we learned from last week’s clip show, Angie was actually in tears over Chris’s first Mr. Squeaky episode in the boardroom. Later, they bonded and grew into the mother-and-son duo, but not before Chris actually started crying and apologizing. I do sense some weird sociopathic vibes going on in that round little head.
Now that Chris is Angie’s boy, she sees Erin as official competition, “She’s a lawyer, she’s smart, she’s fast...And it doesn’t hurt that, you know, every time you turn around you see her a**.” Cut to shots of Erin stretching, bouncing, and bending.
Angie calls Erin, Chris, and Stephanie Myers her “little adopted children,” as the kids bond over ice cream and fart jokes. At one point, Erin giggles that Stephanie has a “not so fresh smell,” which is now something I’m going to think of every time Stephanie is onscreen, which is a really, really unfortunate thing.
Over at Magna, Craig Williams hasn’t been project manger yet, so he’s up. Except that he pulls this freaky meeting to read an “inward expression of who I am.” The title is “The Company You Keep.” Which I just realized is sort of a quasi play-on-words, but not a really good one. He starts reading with a dramatic whisper while the team looks really uncomfortable.
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I think it would have been so much better if Craig read like he was in a poetry slam. Like, “I DON’T…. wait around… for someone to step up/ I’m SEEKING… or I’m reading, or I’m waiting/ for insight AND wisdom… and…leadership/ within MYself to be that leader.” This all coming from the guy whose version of “step up” means, “Wait until I’m forced to, at the last minute, and say it’s because I have nothing to prove.” And then they pray.
They meet Donald Trump at his new development on Park Avenue, where The Two Executives stand by him. “It’s nice to meet you. Home Depot is doing very well. I’ve heard some amazing stories recently about how well. That’s great.” Since Trump isn’t pretending that they didn’t just meet two minutes ago, I can forgive this week’s awkward small talk. Plus I think Home Depot really is doing well, if you consider the fact that Trading Spaces is basically one giant Home Depot commercial. The task is to hold a creative “do it yourself” project demonstration at Home Depot, to be rated by The Executives.
Over at Net Worth, Angie volunteers to be project manager because she loves Home Depot. They toss around ideas like crown molding, while Erin stares blankly and admits that she knows nothing about Home Depot. Which is fine, because I don’t really either, but at least I understand that they have shiny hooks and stuff and I’ve always wanted to learn how to make stuff out of wood.
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She’s a lawyer, she’s smart, she’s fast…And it doesn’t hurt that, you know, every time you turn around you see
