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The Apprentice, Week 8: Fuse, Barenaked Ladies, Gene Simmons, New Found Glory, Simple Plan, Fat Joe, Lil’ Kim, Lil’ John, Moby, Eve, and Jadakiss
Original Air Date: 3/10/05
(PAGE 3 of 6)
Carolyn Kepcher is totally dying. And she’s not even being mean when she bursts into a giggling fit over Tana trying to get on Lil’ Jon’s level with “we be talkin’.”
Okay, so apparently there’s this whole phenomenon out there that I was so not aware of until I just Googled Lil’ Jon. So here’s the deal. They sponsor an energy drink called Crunk!!! And carry it around in this big gold, diamond encrusted cup called the Crunkcup that apparently is really famous. The scariest realization on my part is that I’m actually familiar with the word “crunk,” but only because I heard it on American Idol of all places, when Randy was gettin’ jiggy with a contestant wearing gold teeth.
Righto. So Tana negotiates an experience that includes hanging with the band and getting to hold the Crunkcup (seriously, just try explaining what a Crunkcup is to your mother and see if you can do it without laughing once). Tana is glowing about her transformation from a Mary Kay saleswoman from Des Moines to, well, I’ll just let her say it herself: “It’s like I blossomed into this hip-hop follower. When I was there it was like I was not this white girl. I was just down with them.” In the background, Carolyn is still cracking up.
Kendra places her faith in Tana and Craig, and heads off to meet the other two to discuss production. They brainstorm about having the acronym “MILF” flash over Tana’s head while she’s onscreen. “Just no cucumber,” Kendra begs.
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Somewhere, where Net Worth is, there is a sign that reads, “No: loitering, loud music, ball playing, drugs, alcohol drinking, bar-be-cueing, hair braiding, trespassing.” Gotta keep those hair-braiding riff raff out, I suppose.
As they meet with New Found Glory, who are awfully sexy, what with their tattoos and such, Erin starts to explain, “Basically what we’re trying to do is raise money…” John, the tool that he is, interrupts, “Real quick though, hopefully we’re going to put something together that’s going to raise lots of money.” Thanks for that, Einstein. As we watch John repeatedly interrupt Erin, George Ross hangs in the background. He tells us, “I think Net Worth made an error. I do a lot of negotiation; I teach a course in negotiation.” Sweet, I’m so taking that class. “It’s very hard when you start with certain ideas that you have preconceived. It’s hard to get something greater than that.” The band goes for the tradeoff that if they play a house party, Erin and Stephanie will ride on their bus for two days—and by “ride on the bus” they mean “have sex with.” John goes for it. “If that’s what it takes I will sell these two women to you.” Aww, duuude. So not cool.
We’re actually getting quite a long series of shots of John being tooly, which gives me hope that his fat butt will get fired. Normally I don’t like to be so mean, but John is seriously rubbing me the wrong way lately, and I just don’t think he’s got any sympathetic elements. Even sweaty Brian McDowell and socially inept Michael Tarshi made me feel bad with their weirdo-ness. While negotiating with the Barenaked Ladies, Erin convinces one of them to come on the show and bring his drums if he wants. In another desperate attempt to act like he’s one of them, John jumps in, “If you want to bring your drums, that be cool, because I’d just like to play some. I haven’t seen mine in a month, and I’m just freaking out about it.” He actually twitches his face to mime “freaking out.” In what’s hopefully not just some clever editing, one Barenaked dude responds after a painfully long pause, “Ooookay.”
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If that’s what it takes I will sell these two women to you.
