| |
| |
The Apprentice, Week 8: Fuse, Barenaked Ladies, Gene Simmons, New Found Glory, Simple Plan, Fat Joe, Lil’ Kim, Lil’ John, Moby, Eve, and Jadakiss
Original Air Date: 3/10/05
(PAGE 2 of 6)
Tana and Craig are thrilled to be on Net Worth, which at this point doesn’t surprise me much. Between John and Chris, there’s a whole lot of warped testosterone floating around, whereas Alex Thomason and Bren Olswanger hardly seem to exude the most manly scents. Tana gloats, “Chris kicked me to the curb…now he’s got to deal with Stephanie and Erin, who we heard were the most obnoxious people in the suite.” Damn true, sister woman. (Seriously, Erin’s scored some major points lately, but that doesn’t mean I’d want to share a bathroom with the girl.)
Net Worth’s five celebrities are Barenaked Ladies, Gene Simmons, New Found Glory, Simple Plan, and Fat Joe. Um, I know that I’m no longer at an age that resembles any sort of hipness, but is it weird that I’ve only heard of two of these guys? And what the hell kind of name is New Found Glory? Yeah, I have my suspicions. I’m still mad at Creed for tricking me into listening to Christian rock.
John persuades Chris to let him lead the negotiations…with a pair of hot girls to back him up. “We’re going to see some twenty-year-old dudes with tattoos…the hotter the chicks I have with me the better.” Stephanie and Erin may look pissed about that comment, but neither one of them pipes up. Sometimes it’s worth sacrificing a little women’s lib to hear that you’re hot.
Magna’s musicians are Lil’ Kim, Lil’ John, Moby, Eve and Jadakiss. My odds are improving slightly; I’ve heard of three of them. Tana, Craig, and Kendra handle the negotiations while Alex and Bren work on production.
Oh, yup, it’s official. Tool of the Week goes to John. He actually says out loud that he’s glad he brought his chain wallet and his “Kinda hipster wear” to meet with the artists. In my experience, the ones who label themselves as hipsters are rarely hipsters. “I am a drummer, so I did not want to look like an exec at a record label.” Because I’m sure Gene Simmons has never dealt with a man in a suit before.
| advertisement |
 |
|
| |
| |
In the cab, John lays out his vision. He has three options for the artists, number one being a gig at somebody’s house. Lame! If I’m ever going to meet Barry Manilow, it will so not be at a house party. I want a seriously swanky event—with sushi platters, fabulous people, and a song dedicated just to me. Yes, I realize the difference between Barry Manilow and, um, Fat Joe, but you get my drift.
Stephanie comes up with the idea of a cameo on a music video, (which I’m down with, because that would mean that Barry Manilow is releasing a video for the first time in twenty years). John waves her away like a gnat and says something like, “I’d settle for what we can get.” Say whaa? Did I just hear the word “settle” come out of the man’s mouth? His next great suggestion is something like having Erin and Stephanie whore themselves out to the band.
Trump’s lesson this week: “Go Big or Go Home.” He really likes it. “You gotta go for the fences, you go all the way—or you know what? Go home.” Hey great, uh, deconstruction…or something. Cut to Trump giving a speech to a crowded room. “If you can get a client like Trump, as opposed to a client like [either he says Uno’s, or Who Knows, but really it doesn’t matter because everyone’s going to crack up regardless] you’re better off.” Everyone cracks up. Toldya.
Tana, Kendra, and Craig meet up with Lil’ Jon and the East Side Boyz, who appear to be rappers of sorts, if the names “Lil’” and “Boyz” didn’t tip you off. Somehow I thought Lil’ was reserved only for twelve-year-old boys and very short women, of which Jon is neither. Tana suddenly switches into all-out ghetto mode, which for reasons I absolutely cannot explain, is way awesomer than even Alex’s attempt at giving mad props. It’s really quite brilliant how this thirty-something white woman can say, with a completely straight face, “This is a lil’ something. Let’s check that ring. How can we get me a lil’ bling bling? Now we be talking.”
|
|
This is a lil’ something. Let’s check that ring. How can we get me a lil’ bling bling? Now we be talking.
