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Week 4: "Soap Dopes"
Original Air Date: 2/10/05
(PAGE 6 of 9)
Poor Donny Deutsch and his executive team. They all just sit in dead silence. Both teams slink out, and pretty much all he can say is, “I was really disappointed.” Lady on the Right comments on how Net Worth’s guy didn’t actually wash the Dove off his face, while Magna basically created porn. Lady on the Left points out that Magna’s commercial “had a guy leaving with a guy, and a woman left with a cucumber.” Yeah, I’m with her when she says, “I’m not sure if, as a woman, I’m really excited about that.”
The teams troop back in. Donny Deutsch has no choice but to make major fun of them while Trump is on the phone, because they both blew big chunks on this one. Magna’s gay-porn style wasn’t “the right positioning,” and Net Worth was super gross with the guy rubbing body wash on his face. “It was the most un-refreshing thing in the world.” Did you hear that people? In the world. At this point, all Donny Deutsch can say in closing is: “I gotta tell you, you both missed the—you both sucked.”
Erin looks shocked, and Kristen looks constipated.
In the end, neither team wins, and there’s no reward. That Donald man always keeping me on my toes.
Back at the suite, Michael is sure to kiss Erin’s booty just a little bit, since his own butt is toast after last week’s performance. Kristen goes to bed. She moans, “I’m not used to hearing the words ‘loser’ and ‘suck’ come out of people’s mouths about me.” Oh, honey, you just wait.
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Everyone speculates on what’s going to happen. Kristen tries to corner Tana into sidling onto her side against Audrey, but Tana ain’t having none of that. “It’s about time to get rid of the dead weight,” Kristen whines. “Yeah, I wish we could get rid of some of the dead weight,” Tana says. The irony is lost on Kristen.
In the boardroom, Trump is very, very serious. Like, “you smeared poop on my gold-leaf bedroom walls” serious. He says sternly, “This is the first time something like this has ever happened. I’m angry with all of you.” Come on, is he really, truly angry? I mean, does he actually care how these people perform, because honestly, what gets better ratings than two sucky teams that fail miserably?
Trump wants to know what Erin thinks of her team, and she replies that they worked well together and that they were all happy with her as a leader. Fair enough. Still, “You ended up doing a fairly bad job.”
Woo hoo! They’re showing the Magna commercial again. Carolyn just closes her eyes and shakes her head. “Oye, yoi yoi,” Trump moans in one of his more Hasidic moments.
Trump questions Bren on where he got the idea. “It’s very opposite of my moral beliefs,” Bren says, which really has absolutely nothing to do with the question and now I don’t like him again. Who gives a crap about your moral beliefs on homosexuality when you’ve already sold your soul to the devil that is Donald Trump’s reality show? Trump isn’t impressed. “Dove is a huge product sold all over the world. You must have been crazy to think that the stupid cucumber idea wouldn’t offend anyone.”
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I gotta tell you, you both missed the—you both sucked.
