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Week 4: "Soap Dopes"
Original Air Date: 2/10/05
(PAGE 4 of 9)
Our Trump Lesson of the Week is “Never Settle.” He explains to us, “People settle for mediocrity for one reason. They’re lazy…They don’t want to go that extra step; they know it’s not going to be great—it might be good; it might be okay; it’s not going to be great.” Which is all well and good, but why, oh why, do his little set-up bossy scenes never have anything to do with the lesson? He sort of half-sternly lectures a construction worker about knocking down a building. The construction dude is all like, sure man, we’ll do it in February. “Or sooner,” Trump says. “Or sooner,” the worker agrees. It’s not exactly clear who’s not doing the settling here.
Dramatic Actress is still ranting and raving. “I feel like since the minute I got here, I’ve been treated pretty poorly.” By whom? “Well, you guys weren’t here to receive me.” Receive you? What is this, a freakin’ wedding? Poor Erin looks like a deer trapped in the headlights, but that may have something to do with the fact that she stares and blinks a lot.
Bren, giving us even more insight into his life, tells us, “Erin obviously doesn’t like conflict, doesn’t know how to deal with a pissed off woman. Nine years of marriage, that’s my specialty.” It still doesn’t make up for the hairdo, but at least he’s less of a creepy guy now. Oh, wait, I was wrong. With soft music swelling over his murmuring tone, Bren schmoozes the whining actress, “Whatever I can do to meet your needs and satisfy you.” Ewwie. It works, and she melts like butter in a sweaty palm.
Guess who says this line: “I’m project manager. My boyfriend’s a director. I’ve sat in and watched him do stuff, so I should be director; I should be controlling the entire project.” Hint: She didn’t go to college.
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With the funny doop-dee-doop music in the background, Kristen starts shouting, giving nonsensical direction to the actors. “Action!...Keep coming up!...Action!” I thought you pretty much only had to yell “Action!” once and then they just started, you know, acting.
The models make faces as they’re spritzed with water to make them look sweaty. Audrey complains that it will make their makeup run off, and well, I don’t really get the point of this scene.
The model pretends to splash the body wash on his face before launching into the biggest, smarmiest grin since a Mentos commercial. Then he points out that it’s a body wash, not a facial cleanser. Hey, yeah, good point. I feel dumb not picking up on that. But no matter, according to Kristen. “It can be used on the face too.” A female model grimaces, “Really, a body wash on the face?” Kristen, listen up. Models know about these things.
John isn’t really my type, but I do appreciate how he’s all happy-go-lucky, and now he’s playing the drums, which is kinda sexy.
All the women hate Kristen, probably because she’s that kind of person. Like, she’s the type that has one other friend who is just as unpleasant as she is, and they both sit around drinking dirty martinis talking about how rude other people are. Audrey, who is such a charmer that she’s getting more face time than anyone else this episode, has this to say about Kristen: “She has no respect for others. She is a b****. A ROYAL B****.”
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Erin obviously doesn’t like conflict, doesn’t know how to deal with a pissed off woman. Nine years of marriage, that’s my specialty.
