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Week 3: "Trouble Brewing"
Original Air Date: 2/3/05
(PAGE 2 of 6)
Verna won’t stop complaining, but she does it in such a super calm, even tone of voice that it actually doesn’t sound like complaining at all. “Honestly, I’ve been resting all day long. I don’t think that it’s gonna get better.” Verna, Verna, Verna. Go take a nap. “I should probably go ahead and go.” Say what? Did Verna just quit? For real?
Pretty much all of Team Magna screams BS when she quits, but hey, what can you do? I can almost overlook the pink polka-dotted tie that Bren Olswanger has on when he wisely explains to me, “You’ve got to have burning desire to be here. If you don’t, you’re not going to make it.”
This week’s lesson is really, really confusing. Trump says, “I’ve rarely seen a leader that’s been able to lead by consensus. A leader is somebody that often times will go against everybody. That’s what a leader is.” Yo, what? Did he not notice Brian’s gargantuan toilet fiasco last week?
Trump then illustrates his point by chastising a group of puzzled-looking men in suits. Hey, one of them is Bill Rancic. While Trump does that funny little finger point that he does and yells something about prices, Bill actually looks around with askance to each person there with an expression of, “Who, me?”
Danny calls Rona…and he’s fully dressed, I might add. I wonder if the boys this season just don’t have the same pectoral advantages as Kelly Perdew and Kevin Allen. Shame. Danny informs her that Verna has left, at which point we get some truly seamless editing. In a voiceover, Rona robotically drones, “Thank you, I will let him know Verna has quit.” Rona sure beats out last week’s smiley lady for Worst Actress Ever. Then it cuts to her actual face, where’s she’s “continuing” (ooh, can’t fool me, Mark Burnett), “Now, please head down to Times Square to meet Mr. Trump as soon as possible.” The woman really doesn’t like to give specifics.
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Everyone gathers around Trump in Times Square—so I guess they found him okay. Maybe it’s the pink tie. Pink is very popular with The Apprentice men this season. What’s even more freaking awesome is that the winds are whipping at a 60 mph pace, and Trump’s hair doesn’t move! Even Carolyn Kepcher’s oversprayed little bowl cut is positively aerodynamic right now. But not Trump, no siree.
Trump manages to make Verna’s disappearance into an impromptu lesson of the week: “In life, people quit. In companies, people quit.” When he yells, “Does anyone else want to quit?” Erin shakes her head very, very vigorously. They all shout out an emphatic “No!” even though it would have been way funnier if someone had said, “Me! Me!”
Apparently, Nestle is the largest food company in the world. Trump explains that Nestle is worth 100 billion dollars (cue Dr. Evil pinkie gesture), and in a totally transparent move to establish himself as the Most Successful Individual of Modern Times, he pouts, “So that’s $96 billion more than I’m worth.”
This week’s task is to market Nescafe’s Taster’s Choice coffee on a $75,000 budget. Trump keeps referring to the two “fine executives” from Nestle who will judge. Methinks somebody doesn’t know somebody else’s name. Erin nods vigorously again. Of course, the task is to “create the most buzz.” I’ll say one thing: only The Apprentice has single-handedly made me want to stab myself repeatedly whenever I hear the word “buzz.”
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I should probably go ahead and go.
