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Week 15:
Magellans, Dirty Seats, and Sorority Presidents
...I hear the word, “terrific,” is demanding an investigation after Trump used it to describe both Stacie Jones Upchurch and Jennifer Crisafulli...If Regis was a really nice guy, he would have allowed Jennifer to phone a friend for help...
Week 14:
Safe jobs, Intellectual Horsepower, and I Love You Too’s
Sandy Ferreira and Jennifer Massey cook chicken parmagiana together.  Apparently, this will be the first Italian food ever that is not made with love...Reasons #872 through 874 why Chris has his own self-imposed glass ceiling: “$#!%,” “$&!@,” “*&#*!”...
Week 13:
Oompa Loompas, Candy Bar Strippers, and the
M&M Sisters
...Kevin, on the lack of little people in the Mars factory: “We all thought there’d be a chocolate river going on and Oompa Loompas doing their thing.”  O-kaaaay…$5 for a candy bar?  These must be the same guys who tip female bartenders $5 a drink, thinking it somehow gives them a shot at getting laid at the end of the night...
Week 12:
Barbie Tumors, Pepsi Dumbbells, and The Honest Truth
...Ivana, going on about Jennifer: “I felt lighter…because I wasn’t carrying this blonde Barbie anymore…She was really like this tumor on my back.”  No, Ivana.  That would be your swollen head...Carolyn astutely notices that the men are all mesmerized by Jennifer’s fembot spell.  Or was that Ivana?  No, Sandy.  Okay, okay.  I’m under it too...
Week 11:
Fembots, Fit Wheels, and Butt Attitude
...Maria’s mission statement: “Give me bitchy or give me death!”  Do we have to choose?...Not sure it was a good idea for Ivana to make a blonde joke around Carolyn Kepcher.  Or any joke for that matter...
Week 10:
“Impossible” Tasks, Trampled Fliers, and Only Two
...I’m hardly corporate America, but I’m pretty sure that throwing your hands up in the air and shouting, “This is impossible,” aren’t mentioned in motivational seminars...I’ve got a hunch that $50,000 at Graff wouldn’t even buy a toe ring for Melania...
Week 9:
Bad Contractors, “Nasty” Boardrooms, and Formal Firings
...Rob Flanagan, back from the dead: “I need a win.”  Why?  Would this somehow make you not the first person fired from the show?...I’m about as handy as Paris Hilton, but I’ve gotta guess it’s much more difficult to put in a bathroom with a taco in your hand...
Week 8:
Deutsch, Hummers, and New York’s Finest
...Advertising guru Donnie Deutsch states that it “looks like Donald sent over a lot of smart people.”  Deutsch hasn’t been watching this show, has he?... Is it me or does “New York’s Finest Looking for New York’s Finest” sound more like a bad personals ad for self-absorbed models than a good recruitment ad for tough cops?...
Week 7:
Lost Cell Phones, Doggie Costumes, and
Yappy Little Apprentices
...Which reminds me: Mosaic was given $1,000 in seed money and all they had was a paper sign to show for it.  I say spend $200 on dog clothing and an $800 for a muzzle for Stacy...
Week 6:
Home Ec, Greasing Models, and Pink Camouflage Underwears
...Chris Russo’s politically incorrect nugget of the day: a competition for “how fast we could grease a dozen models.”  Does this man have Trump-like aspirations or what?...
Week 5:
Uteruses, Sponges, and Anna
...It didn’t take long to see whom this episode’s “villain” was going to be.  Step away from the urinal, Pam, and take a bow for us...Pam, getting it right and wrong in the same sentence: “I don’t think I’m cocky when I say that I’d be surprised if I got fired.”  Surprise!
Week 4:
Public-Hating Waiters, Uptight Stewardesses, and
Jewish Fat Ladies
...Jennifer C. watching over her customers, asking about the food, saying “Good, good, good, good, good, good, good,” made me more uncomfortable than Charlize Theron picking off random strangers in Monster...
Week 3:
Crazy Women, Scary Moments, and Piazza
...On a per-tooth basis, Mike Piazza probably cleaned up more than any other professional baseball player did all afternoon...Together, I think Maria Boren and Pamela Day can reverse the global warming trend...
Week 2:
Breakfast Ice Cream, Boobies, and Magic Eight Balls
...The women have just come up with 300 ice cream flavors that sound like colors from the J. Peterman catalog.  Sorry, but ice cream shouldn’t come in ecru...Bradford Cohen just said “my girls” and “grow boobies” in the same sentence.  In front of his all-women team!  Too bad.  I kind of liked the guy...
Week 1:
Walking Canes, Tooty-Fruity, and Crustacean Nation
...First shot of the candidates and… Damn if Jennifer Massey’s not hot.  Something tells me Trump was heavily involved in the casting of this show...Andy Litinsky from Harvard just said, without an ounce of irony, that Raj Bhakta’s bowtie is “P.I.M.P.”  You’re fired, Andy...

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