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Evan Marc Katz is the founder of the online dating consulting service,
E-Cyrano, and author of the bestseller, "I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book - A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating." |
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| Pictured: Jennifer Massey. |
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 How many takes do you think it takes each week for Robin to nail, “Mr. Trump will see you now.”? I say eight. |
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12/17/04 |
Episode 216:
Magellans, Dirty Seats, and Sorority Presidents
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12/10/04 |
Episode 215:
Safe jobs,
Intellectual Horsepower,
and I Love You Too’s
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12/3/04 |
Episode 214:
Oompa Loompas, Candy Bar Strippers, and the M&M Sisters
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11/30/04 |
Episode 212:
Barbie Tumors, Pepsi Dumbbells, and The Honest Truth
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11/19/04 |
Episode 211:
Fembots, Fit Wheels, and
Butt Attitude
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11/12/04 |
Episode 210:
“Impossible” Tasks, Trampled Fliers, and Only Two Brides-To-Be
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11/5/04 |
Episode 209:
Bad Contractors, “Nasty” Boardrooms, and Formal Firings
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Week 1: “Toying with Disaster”
Walking Canes, Tooty-Fruity, and Crustacean Nation
By Evan Marc Katz
September 11, 2004
Donald Trump’s opening voiceover goes: “From hotel developers to real estate brokers, from venture capitalists to attorneys.” Thank God for diversity in the workplace.
The voiceover keeps going: “Some of the most grueling tasks, including last year’s lemonade stand.” Uh, Donald? Five-year-olds run lemonade stands. Grueling should involve something that makes you bleed or sweat or preferably both. Certainly something harder than pouring drinks into little paper cups.
First shot of the candidates and… Damn if Jennifer Massey’s not hot. Something tells me Trump was heavily involved in the casting of this show.
Andy Litinsky from Harvard just said, without an ounce of irony, that Raj Bhakta’s bowtie is “P.I.M.P.” You’re fired, Andy.
By the way…Raj’s walking stick is P.I.M.P.
How many takes do you think it takes each week for Robin to nail, “Mr. Trump will see you now.”? I say eight.
Andy, on Raj’s pants, “On fire!” Oh, get over yourself, dweeb. You were born in 1981.
By the way…Raj’s two-tone shoes are on fire.
Ivana Ma gets all worked up over Wes Moss’s toast: “To the men dominating the women.” It may be early in the show, but there have to be more important things to stress about. Like how gold is not an appropriate color for wallpaper.
I think that calling Donald Trump “ostentatious” is like calling Mini-Me “not that tall.”
Raj just lost me when he called the name Mosaic, “tooty-fruity.” I mean, it is, but you’re not supposed to say things like that out loud.
This show would be nothing without the music. Pay close attention. Who would know Trump was rich without the majestic horns sounding whenever he enters the room?
Points to Pamela Day for telling the guys to lose their ties without making me hate her.
Crustacean Nation? How is everybody not laughing right now? Even Rob Flanagan’s eel was better
than that.
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Bradford Cohen’s football car idea may have been lame, but I’m more struck by the fact that Maria Boren is wearing sequins during the daytime.
If the women end up winning this, the editor should lose his job. The teams are so mismatched right now that there’s no suspense, except to see if Andy makes another dumbass comment in the next fifteen minutes.
Oh, that Melania—what a gracious hostess. That’s why Trump’s with her, you know.
Jennifer Crisafulli just tried to mirror The Donald’s etiquette way of eating a shrimp cocktail, yet proudly proclaims that she’s “remaining myself.” No other spineless cult members could be reached for comment.
A trifecta for the little guy! Andy just said he’d like to take a shovel to the back of Pamela’s head. She may be a cold body, but unless you’re on The Sopranos, talk like that is generally to be discouraged. Or am I just terribly old school?
Let’s just give Andy his own show! “I’m a nationally ranked debater. I will take her out!” I pray there’s a boxing contest so that little Stacy Rotner can deck this guy once and for all. (I know—not much more diplomatic than Andy, but then again, I’m not competing against anybody to be The Apprentice.)
Andy declares himself the most successful and creative person on the team. “Crustacean Nation,” people. I’d hate to hear his humility if he actually won something.
Rob deserves to be fired. He just said he liked the name, “Crustacean Nation.”
At least Rob can go back to Texas with his head held high. It’s not like he was the first one to be—oops,
my bad.
Who got fired? Rob.
Who should have gotten fired? Andy.
Why? Real World's Puck was a more likeable foil than this annoying know-it-all.
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