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Be a Master of Your Feelings,
Not a Slave
October 29, 2004
(PAGE 2 of 2)
You may sit there and cry that you were doomed from the start. Your team wasn’t on your side from the get-go, and it wasn’t like there was anything that you could do to change that. But there, Elizabeth, you would be wrong. You have to look no further than your competing project manager, Andy Litinsky, to see how wrong you are. Everyone is fully aware how precious little respect his teammates have paid him. They all think that he’s too young—that he’s just a kid. They bring him into the boardroom at every chance they get. They say he has to be “managed” and supervised and can’t be trusted with any meaningful responsibility.
Andy though rose to the occasion. Not only did he win the day, but he did so by facing down the very same obstacles that were before you. Just like you, he had teammates who thought that his ideas were the wrong way to go. They didn’t necessarily understand or get what he was saying. They wanted a campaign with more sex appeal, particularly Maria Boren. Maria is not only outspoken but is a marketing executive to boot. She was vehement in her opposition. She also had people who saw things her way, not his.
What did Andy do? He explained his position, which he felt in his gut was right, with clear and rational arguments. What’s more, he laid out a plan for exactly what he wanted to do. Maria didn’t have to agree with him, but he showed exactly where the train was going and she had to get on board. Andy didn’t let her feelings get in the way of what he needed to do. What Andy knew is that she was a big girl and that she could take it. She would get over it.
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You might well say that to be an effective leaeder, you can’t run roughshod over people’s feelings and rule like a dictator, and you would be right. But Andy knew that too. You saw it in how he chose to deal with Kelly Perdew. Kelly was adamant that he was the one who should present. Andy felt otherwise yet saw how serious he was. What did Andy do? Andy didn’t cave; he chose to compromise. He would let Kelly be a part of the presentation, but Andy would still take the lead. Andy took Kelly’s feelings into account and, knowing that he could add value to the presentation, went with it. What he didn’t do was to let Kelly’s feelings dictate his decision and how he should lead. What he didn’t do was allow Kelly or Maria or anyone else to take him in the wrong direction. Andy stood his ground. He did not wilt; he did not waver. He was a leader.
What’s the lesson for you to take home here, Elizabeth? Some people would say it’s not to let your feelings and your empathy get in your way. But they would be wrong. Remember, Elizabeth, your feelings and your instincts are your greatest strength. You would be lost without them. The lesson here is that you need to be in control of your feelings and not let them control you. You would do well to listen to your feelings and let them point you in the right direction. But, by the same token, you can’t let them lead you to do things you don’t want to do. You can’t be a slave to your feelings. You must master them. You’ve seen the end result when you don’t. Not only did you not win the competition, but you didn’t win any friends either. By seeking the approval of all, you wound up with the approval of no one. Your feelings wound up getting hurt. You don’t want that. So learn to deal with adversity, master your emotions, and come out the better for it. Your feelings should bring you nothing but happiness, Elizabeth. You deserve it.
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Andy didn’t let her feelings get in the way of what he needed to do.
